I've been in a weird funk the past week or so, and I had nothing substantial to really post about other than BAWWWW and WHIIINE so I haven't made any kind of entry. But I do want to talk about the Arch Enemy concert because it was...last Friday? LOL and also because I do like giving concert recaps, and also some stuff happened at the show that confused me and gave me some questions to think on, so maybe if I'll put that here I'll get some second opinions.
 


( wtf wall of text )

I'm going to see Arch Enemy tonight, which is in a few hours. They're playing at the House Of Blues, which I've never been to before, so that should be fun. I'm feeling really icky and nervous for some reason, which is dumb because this is supposed to be enjoyable and not making me anxious. But I know once I'm there I'll have a good time. Hopefully. :p

We'll see how this goes. Hope everyone has a good weekend. :)

 

I'm done with my classes by noon on Wednesdays, so I'm done for the week and have been for a few hours now. I know I talked about school last year for my first semester, but it was really only me relieving or venting stress about assignments, or I'd just mention some of the stuff in passing but never really talked about the classes themselves in full. I think I'm going to do that now, mainly because I want to, but I also think it would be neat to keep this around and compare it to the way I'll feel in May or so, see how much my opinion has changed, if it has at all. So here's th lineup:

Writing & Rhetoric II, Ethnographic Inquiry: This is a just standard English class, so I don't have any heartfelt or intense opinion on it. Last semester, when I took W&RI, I started to dislike it mainly because of the kids in my class, even though the work itself seemed interesting. So far, it seems like this class has a good group of kids that I feel okay around, so that'll be good for me in how I go through it. And the teacher is, like, super cute. Not like OMFG HAWT because it's a girl, but she's really young and kinda quiet, and she just has this really friendly air about her that I think is really charming and adorable. I love having teachers like that, because they totally put me at ease and make them seem approachable in case I ever needed something. As far as the actual class work, that too seems interesting, even though I'm kinda nervous about it. Basically, "ethnography" is a type of research where you go directly to the source and place yourself among the culture and people. For example, one girl already wrote an ethnographic paper on Chicago protestors, which meant that for her research, she had to go to different protests, talk with the people and just engage herself in the activity. So it's  really neat and different way of doing research, but of course I'm nervous about putting myself out there like that. That whole aspect seems too journalist to me, and it's one of the reasons why I strayed away from that career, because I can't be that assertive or I don't like going into situations like that. But I'm sure my teacher will help me out, and it is a little ways off so I have time to think about it. But I do like the class so far, and if things keep going the way they are, that really shouldn't change too much.

Abnormal Psychology: I really, really, REALLY like this class. A lot. I'm so happy I got into it, because I really do think it's going to be good for me in more ways than one. The teacher is actually a doctor, and she just started teaching at Columbia last semester, so she's like me in that she's new to everything, even if it's from a different standpoint. She specializes with transgender and lesbian/gay community, but she seems really good at what she does and has a lot of information to offer. It seems to be a mostly discussion based class, which I'm happy about because it'll be really rich for everyone there. I have yet to really say much, but I love listening in to everyone else, and yeah, I don't know, it's just really fascinating. We watched this film called "Back From Madness: Return to Sanity" and that was a huge eye opener in mental illness, really giving another view into it and some of it was incredibly disturbing but the whole thing was really powerful and helpful. And according to our schedule, we will be spending a couple weeks solely on anxiety. So whether it's social or something else, I'm really looking forward to having that on the list, because I want to see how she approaches it, how the rest of the class approaches it, and how I'll deal with the kind of work and information we get on it. Right now this is my favorite class, so I'm happy I'm with it.

College Mathematics: Oh. My. God. It's pretty obvious that this class is brutal, besides the fact that it's three hours on a Monday after two previous intense classes. I knew it wasn't going to be the best situation, but I was hoping I'd go in and find some things that would at least make it bearable. I haven't foundanything, and in fact found more stuff to make it seem even worse. Again, all the kids talk and chat and it really frustrates me. But I don't want to come across as some goody two shoes person, I'll chat with my neighbor or something if they ask me a question or we just get on a topic. But I won't have full blown discussions everytime the teacher turns his back, especially in a class that I really need to give all my focus and attention to. I don't know, like I said the atmosphere of the class needs to be good for me to feel comfortable in it, and everyone just seems really rude and obnoxious so I'm constantly on edge, just waiting for the three hours to be up. And even though the teacher is nice and seems friendly, I don't know how we're going to do together. He's Indian, and has an incredibly thick accent, so it's even harder to understand him and make out what he's trying to say. Add to that all the kids talking in my ear, and the fact that I have a hard time understanding Math even when it's being spoken to me in plain English, it's not looking too good for me. Thankfully, the work we did was pretty simple stuff, and he kept talking about how easy it would be to pass the class as long as we disciplined ourselves and did the work we needed to. Which I planned on doing anyway, so at least we're on the same page for that. It's just gonna be the class that I need to take as part of my cores, and I'll just truck through it as best I can.

CRW: Short Story Writers: My first actual major course, and so far I liked what we did. Yes it's early, and yes it's long, but that's not new to me so I can manage. The stuff that is new is the teacher and the students. The teacher is one of the higher chairs of the faculty, so she's well respected and admired. I can definitely tell she is just from the four hours I was with her, and I think she has a lot to offer that'll help me in my writing. But this means that lots of kids are vying for the seats, and there are about four grad students, and everyone else looked to be sophomore or older. I mean, I'm sure there are other freshmen or new students in the class, but I feel really young and out of my league, so it's amping up the intimidation to disgusting degrees. I love the work, and I love the reading, but I'm having a really difficult time trying to not feel mediocre against everyone else, and so far I haven't succeeded in that. Ugh, I hate when I get like this, especially on something that I'm majoring in. Like, can we get any more important? It sucks, and I've been struggling with this feeling for a long time, it came up a lot last semester so I don't know how I'm going to do this time around, especially when I'm actually faced with kids who know their shit and are really good at it. But I do like the class, and the teacher gave a huge reading list as just suggestions for us, and I'm so happy about that. I've been needing some recs for a while and I now have plenty of stuff to check out. Again, it was the first class, so hopefully I'll settle enough to get through and still let myself show through, but for now I'm still playing spectator and just getting the work done that I need to.

Fiction Writiing II: Okay. This class. I'm not going to say much about it (or at least I think I won't) because it's too much to get into and it would just turn into a rambly mess. I'm not even sure how to articulate exactly how I feel about it, but I'll just say what's up and go from there. The good thing about this particular class is that the teacher came down with the flu, so she let us out at break time, meaning we were only there for two hours, so I have yet to have the full impact of a full eight hours writing day. But the thing is, there's this kid named Matt who was actually in my CRW class last semester, now he's in this class with me. He's nice and goofy and funny, but he also has a bad case of Asperger's disease, which makes trying to interact with him and understanding him really difficult. Since I do know and understand, especially with my own disorder, I know how it's tough and I know that if he says something that sounds really offensive, it's just the way he is and not that he's purposely trying to be nasty. But a lot of kids don't get that, so everytime Matt says something there's always just a really awkward silence or weird chuckles and nobody really knows what to do. Last semester I had some asshole from class walk out after the first day and tell me "Man is that kid retarded." Like, are you kidding me, you fucking dipshit? Stfu you don't know what you're talking about. And even though it's Matt's problem and not mine, being around him literally makes me physically uncomfortable and anxious in a way I can't even explain, mainly because I know things get awkward, and because I go through my whole life trying to eliminate those awkward moments, being forced to sit with it for four hours is really screwing me up. I hope I don't sound selfish or something, like I don't give a fuck about Matt or like his issues are affecting me, because it's not that at all. I would love having a class with him if it was just the two of us, because I know what he means when he talks, and so I wouldn't think anything bad about him or say anything mean or rude or something like that. It's because there are OTHER kids there that don't get it who are gonna make nasty comments like the asshole from last semester and knowing that's a possibility just makes me want to cry and vomit all over the place. Like, four girls suddenly started talking about Matt when he was sitting right next to me. WTFFFF. How fucking rude are you? I couldn't even look over to my side 'cause I didn't know if eh knew they were saying stuff about him and I just couldn't deal with looking at his face right then. I think if we weren't let out at the time we were and we had to stay that extra time, I probably would've had a full blown anxiety attack. I can't really explain exactly how I was feeling, just that I was sweating and shaking and bouncing my foot and looking down at my shoes and just not being able to function at all, it was the absolute worst thing in the world. It was bad enough that when I got back to the apartment I threw up and then had to take a shower sitting down, because I was too shaky and unsteady to be able to stand, my breathing was all erratic and shit. And now that I'm thinking about it, it's probably not a good thing that I get so nervous to the point of getting sick. This is the second time in only a few months time where my anxiety has pushed me to the point of actually vomiting. I don't know what to do with that, but it's something that I'll deal with another time. I'm okay now, and I like the classwork itself, so I just have to get my anxiety under control in order to function and pass the class. It's probably at the place that Math is, but for a different reason entirely, because I love the class and the writing, but I hate what it's doing to me and how it's making me feel. Hopefully I can calm down enough to just focus on what I need to do and it won't upset me any further.

So. Was that articulate enough? It's probably hard to understand and follow so I'm sorry about that, but I've been needing a way to just unload how it's been making me feel and this was the only way I knew how. But now that my classes are done, I have time to do my homework, relax, and just chill the fuck out. Arch Enemy is here on Friday, and I think it would be good for me to go just because concerts are therapeutic to me and I think I need this, but this would mean that I'd be going by myself because I still don't have any concert buddy so I'm torn on this. But I've really only got one more day to figure it out, so I'll think about it.

And that's that. Here's to hoping the rest semester stays pretty okay. 

I got back in the Windy City yesterday at 3:30 PM, and made it back to my apartment around 4:45 PM. Now I'm trying to relax and get my shit together for the start of the new semester. I had quite a scare last week when I realized one of my classes had been cancelled and I had to quick squeeze myself into another time slot, but I managed, and this was what my new schedule looks like:

Fiction Writing II: Tuesday (1:00PM - 4:50 PM)
CRW: Short Story Writers: Tuesday (8:30AM - 12:20PM)
Writing & Rhetoric II, Ethnographic Inquiry: Monday - Wednesday (9:00AM - 10:20AM)
Abnormal Psychology: Monday - Wednesday (10:30AM - 11:50AM)
College Mathematics: Monday (3:30PM - 6:20PM)

Pros: I have a pretty short schedule. Except for the tutoring I plan on taking, I'm done classes by Wednesday at noon. This leaves me a lot of time for homework, and once I get a job, it'll be easy to work out a schedule since I'll literally have four days of absolutely no classes. I'm also excited for my psychology class. It filled up last semester so I missed out on it but this time I was able to get in, and I'm really happy about that. It looks to be really interesting, but I also think it'll be beneficial for me personally, especially with the anxiety and maybe it'll help in seeing it from some other perspectives and might even help me out even further. I'm looking forward to taking it.

Cons: For being short, it's reeeeally condensed, so I feel a bit overwhelmed by that. And I'm now taking two back to back writing courses on the same day - basically eight straight hours of writing. Originally, I was taking Fiction Writing II on Thursday mornings, from 8:30AM - 12:20PM. That was the class that suddenly got cancelled on me, and the only openings that were left was the Tuesday one at 1PM, and one on Mondays from 6:00PM - 9 something. I definitely didn't want to take four out of my classes all on the same day, and I really didn't want one of them to be in the evening. But it wouldn't have worked out anyway because my math class cuts into that time, so I had to go with the Tuesday one. I do get forty minutes of free time in between, so hopefully that'll be enough to get my bearings back and prepare myself for the next four hours, but I'm still really worried about it. I have good grades right now, and last semester I was always beat after just one of my writing classes. I don't want to ruin my grades because I can't handle the intense writing, but it was the only option I had to I had to take it. Hopefully it'll all be fine.

Then again, I'm the one who wanted to be a writer, and sometimes that entails writing for almost half a day. Guess I should stop complaining, huh? :p

That's about it. Now that I'm back in Chicago, I want to turn over a new leaf and change myself,  but for once, it's not in reference to academics. I want to work harder at being more social and open. Besides Alycia and Jordan, and maybe one other person, I really don't have any good friends here. And if Alycia is too busy dealing with boyfriend shit and Jordan is being a drama queen, that number basically reduces itself to zero. I want to be able to meet other people with common interests so that if any of the previous happens, or I just need an escape, I'll be able to have one. And yeah, I hope that person is into metal because I really want someone to go to shows with. It sucks going by yourself, and because it's me, it feels ten times worse from my end. It would be awesome if I could find someone who was willing to do that with me, because it would be enjoyable and I won't feel any stress or anxiety over it. It's kinda selfish, but that's something that I really want to happen. Concerts are my saving grace, and I know there are gonna be times this semester where I'm just going to need to GTFO of the apartment and just away from all the bullshit. I really hope I won't have to do my escapes alone. But we'll see. For now, I'm just going to try and not get so nervous, to not be so anxious, and to just go with the flow and stay for the ride. I got through one semester already, I can do the same thing this time. I'm halfway there, it'll be fine, I can do this.

If I keep telling myself these things, I think they'll come true. Time to get ready for tomorrow and do more relaxing.

I'm about to keel over from exhaustion and sickness, but I just wanted to say that my break is officially over. I'll be flying back to Chicago tomorrow at 2:15, will arrive some time around 3:30, and then that's it.

I love how I always feel like absolute shit before these things. Or maybe I'm just never going to get over flying, ever. Idk, but I'm sick and tired so I'm gonna go. See y'all on the other side.

So, the Boston trip. It was...okay. Which upsets me to no end, because I was really hoping it would be better. And it wasn't that it was terrible, because I don't want to come across as selfish or ungrateful. Because I really do like Alycia, and her sister Lynsey is great, and both her parents were extremely nice and thoughtful. But, I don't know. Alycia has this ex (but soon to be again) boyfriend, Joe, and I absolutely cannot stand him. Maybe it's because I was the one who had to stay up with her every night while she cried her eyes out over the awful things he said to her, or maybe it's because I was the one who watched her become completely catatonic and remained confined to her bed the day after he broke up with her, or maybe it's because he's just a rude, inconsiderate dick and I hated having him around. Which is funny that I'm starting to see this, because he was nice to me, and usually if any guy treats me fine then I think they're okay because I'm too nervous or scared to think otherwise. I mean, a couple times he would say somthing to me that was kinda sarcastic but it would throw me so I wouldn't know what to say, but other than that he really didn't care much about me. Which is fine, but...I just really didn't like having him around. He gave me a really squicky feeling that was really unsettling, and I had it for pretty much the whole weekend because he never left. And I guess it just kills me that I've been on the receiving end of Aycia's cries and rants about their relationship, and he's said some horrible things to her that is no less than abusive, and the fact that she constantly is trying to get back in his good graces, going so far as to be completely controlled by him for second semester just really bugs the hell out of me.

I don't know, I mean I had a decent time. I guess I had expectations for it that never really happened. Like, I thought we were gonna maybe spend a day in Boston, like in the city, and just walk around so I could see stuff. I mean, that's what I would do if she was visiting me, I'd take her to all the good stuff that Philly has to offer. And I know she had wanted to do that as well, because she texted me about this plan that she was so excited about, but everything fell apart once I got off the train. We went to her car and she tried to move it to another spot, but that turned into us driving in circles for forty minutes before finally giving in to paying at a parking garage. So by the time we even got into the city Alycia was in a shitty mood, and Joe kept "busting her balls" by making comments like "What's in Boston, why would you take her here, that's a dumb idea, this place sucks" blah blah blah. So besides the fact that it's souring Alycia's mood even further, it's making me feel like an idiot because I'm the one who really wanted to see the city. I don't care what he thinks about it - I could argue that Philadelphia sucks way more than Boston does. But I'd only been there once and I didn't even remember it, so I wanted to see what it was like. But Alycia's one of those people that when she's in a bad mood, it just gets progressively worse throughout the rest of the day. So the only thing we really did in Boston was get lunch at some food court, plaza kind of place (it begins with an "F" but I don't remember what it's called) and then walk back to the car and leave. So other than that one spot, I really still haven't seen Boston, which looks like I'll have to make another trip up to see it. Sunday ended up being another bad mood day for Alycia, so around eight at night she suddenly just grabbed her phone and walked upstairs. I thought she was going to the bathroom or getting something because she didn't make any kind of announcement about her departure, but it was two hours before I finally went up to her room and saw that she was asleep with an episode of Friends playing on her computer. So, again, I don't know if this will offend anyone because I know everybody's different and sees things differently, but if she had paid $160 dollars to visit me for three days, I would not have just abandoned her in the living room with my father and sister. I mean, that's not how I would treat any guest I had, I want to make sure that they had a good time. So that kinda sucked when she did that, cause I didn't know what the fuck was up and it was just really frustrating, especially cause she took her phone with her so I knew she was texting Joe.

UGH I didn't want this entry to turn into something like this, but I got caught up in all the emotions I was feeling and it kinda spilled out. The good things about the trip were the train rides and the movies. About the latter, Alycia's dad is the manager for a theater chain in Boston, called Showcase, so he's able to get Alycia and Lynsey and anybody they want in for free. So to take advantage of that, we saw both The Book Of Eli and The Lovely Bones. I didn't really want to see Book Of Eli, but there wasn't anything I could do about it and of course I wasn't gonna tell Alycia that, so we went and I actually really enjoyed it. It's definitely a movie that might grow on you, but maybe because I'm an artsy person I see movies in different ways, but I thought it was just a beautiful film. It had the total apocalyptic vibe and really dark scenes, but it was all really natural and lovely and I thought it was mesmerizing to watch. And then The Lovely Bones was the one I was really looking forward to, and I really, really loved it. It's not as accurate as the book, which I know bothers a lot of people when movies do that, but again, I watched it from an artistic point of view and liked the angle Peter Jackson took with it. It has its own tale now and I think it really fits. But again, the colors and scenes were just gorgeous, I was completely drowning in the beauty of some of the parts, and even though the acting was great, it was really the overall make of the movie that really brought me in. The storyline, coupled with certain beautiful, artistic scenes just completely overwhelmed me and left me sniffly and teary eyed by the end. I hope if anybody sees it they enjoy it, because I thought it was great. Joe, on the other hand, thought they both sucked and proceeded to tell us why the whole way back to the house. And as far as the train rides, people complain that they're long, but honestly, if I have something to occupy myself, I can go for however long I need to. I'm on the ground, I can watch the scenery go by, there's a cafe car so I can get food, they aren't as crowded as planes so there's more space in the car with less of a claustrophobic feel, and the seats themselves are really comfy and spacious so there's a lot of room to just unfold and relax. I don't know, I would take a train anywhere if I could, and I really want to take another one again soon because I loved them, it made me feel so calm both before and after the trip. Of course, there were issues with the tickets and times not showing up and racing to the right track and making sure I was on the right train so that's always nervewracking, but everything else about it I loved it and I hope to do it again.

Anyway, that was my weekend. I would've much rather just posted pictures instead of writing out this whole thing, and I'm sure you guys would've liked that too. But here's the thing - there isn't a single picture from the weekend. Not one. I'm slowly starting to get better with just using a camera in general, because my anxiety made me so nervous in front of the lens that I hated having my picture taken or taking pictures. Now that I've had a better sense of photography, as far as the respect and appreciation for it goes, I'm trying to take my camera out as much as I can so I can get more comfortable with it. But my camera is broken, my mom's camera is still in the package so it's not set up, and Lauren's camera was being used because she went to a dance on Saturday, so I couldn't take it. I asked Alycia if she could maybe bring hers so we could have something from it, or at least to just let me abuse it, but she never mentioned anything about it, and even if she had, I think the trip into Boston turned her off from the idea completely and after that I was too shy and nervous to ask about it. So all I can provide you with are the words, which are gross, but whatever, that's how it was. Sorry for the rant, I didn't intend for it to be like that and I know I sound whiny and annoying, but I hope everyone else had a good weekend and that things are going well for you all. I miss you guys. <3

My flight back to Chicago is next Saturday, January 23rd. So I only have a week left to get all my bearings and prepare myself for another two months away from home/familiarity and get ready (to attempt) to rock second semester. But before that, I'm going to visit Alycia, my roommate, in Boston. :)

It's been yeeeears since I've been to Boston. According to my parents, they've only been there a few times, and once with me. I was really little because Lauren wasn't even born yet, so I don't remember anything about the city at all, and have never ventured any further up that way other than New York. So I'm excited on that note, and Alycia and I had been planning on meeting up before we went back to school since I've always wanted to see Boston, and we're hoping sometime during the summer she can come down here and get a taste of Philly. She's so lucky. :p But yeah, it should be a good time all around, and hopefully it'll bemy last relaxing hoorah before I fly back because the pre-school jitters are starting to get to me.

The other thing is that I'm taking a train to get there. Originally we were going to meet in NY, because that's a good halfway point for us. The drive to Boston is about 5-6 hours, and even though I don't mind driving at all, I won't go anywhere unless I know exactly where I'm going without any risk of getting lost. Because when I get lost, I panic and freak out ridiculously and there would never have been enough time to figure all that out for this trip. Plus, Alycia driving through Connecticut is like me driving through Virginia on any of our trips down south - it's the bulk of the drive. Meaning, out of that 6 hour drive down here, about 4 of those hours happen through Connecticut. So when we scratched that idea, and realized that flying would only be $10 cheaper and since I hate it so much there really would be no point, we decided it would be best for me to take the train. I still kinda wanted to stop in NY for a bit, just because I want to start getting used to taking the train to places and not freaking out, and since NY is only a 2 hour drive it seemed to make sense. But it's easiest for me to take it all the way there, so in conclusion, I'll be taking Amtrak from Philadelphia's 30th Street Station and arriving in Boston's South Station, or something like that. I've never taken Amtrak, and I've never been on an actual train as far as taking it on a trip goes, I've only ever used it as a subway, and most of that only happened this year since I went to Chicago. I'm a little worried then since I'm not really sure how it's gonna go, and 30th Station is a bit squicky so I'm sure there'll be some great characters hanging about, but I think I'll manage. The only thing that blows is that it leaves Philly at 5:15 AM (arrives in Boston at 11 something), which means I'll have to leave my house around quarter of 4. I was obviously on crack when I scheduled that time, because it's gonna be so brutal. I might as well not even go to sleep, so we'll see how that goes.

Anyway, just wanted to let you guys know what's up. I'll be gone from tonight until late Monday night, and I hope everyone enjoys their weekend while I'm away. Love you all. <3

Play all your music on your computer and ipod/mp3/mp4 on shuffle. What are the name of the first 15 songs that play and why do you like or dislike them?

1) The Four Horsemen - Judas Priest
HEY WAIT ISN'T THAT A METALLICA SONG!?  Yes it is, but it's also a track off the latest Priest album, Nostradamus. Which I really, really love, even though I think I'm somewhat in the minority. This isn't my favorite song off the album by far, and it's not much of a song, more like an interlude of sorts. But the sound and style that they used for this album I find to be really daring and exciting, and a lot of that is showcased in this tune. Plus, I adore Rob Halford, and he does some easy, low singing on this track and it's really mesmerizing and beautiful. I love that album to bits.

2) The Duellists - Iron Maiden
The title pretty much sums up the highlight of this track - the dueling guitar tracks. I'm sure they were going for a double meaning with the song, considering it's on the Powerslave album, but it really is just a good ol' hard Maiden tune that gets me going. Bruce sounds awesome, and the bass just rumbles beneath the soloing and other really melodic parts. It just creates this really lovely piece that has all the good stuff that Maiden does well thrown in, and it's a nice track off a classic album.

3) War Nerve - Pantera
You can't really go wrong with most of Pantera. This is off their The Great Southern Trendkill album, and I've noticed that not many people talk about this one. I mean we always have to respect Vulgar Display Of Power because DUH it's a classic and fantastic, and Cowboys From Hell has some of their best known hits (granted, that might be my favorite album from them.) But I really love this album too because it's got a lot of gems that when you listen you're just like HOLY SHIT and it's such a pleasant surprise to hear. And I love Suicide Note Pt. I and Pt. II, which are also on this album. But this song in particular is just so angry and feral, and Phil's vocals just grate on you in the best way, and I think it's a really groovy but heavy Pantera song that can stand up to their other tracks.

( k-k-k-k-click )
I posted a meme because nothing else has been going on, as far as like life and all that. I had to work my sister's gymnastics meet from 8 AM to 4 PM, and that was really exciting because I finally got to see my teammates and coaches from the gym that I haven't seen since Nationals, which was sometime in July. It was kinda weird just sitting there for both sessions not having competed in either, but it was nice to see exactly what everyone has been doing and a lot of the younger girls have improved so much that they've already moved up to the next level, and I'm just really proud of them and am so happy to be able to support them. I'm here until the 23rd, so I'm sure I'll be back in the gym again, at least to take Lauren to practice. 
 
Aaaaand yeah.

Here's my first post of the new year. Maybe it's just me trying to be more positive, trying not to be so anxious all the time, trying not to overanalyze and overthink every detail of my life in a way that depresses me beyond belief, or maybe it's the fact that I dig the look of 2010. But I think it's going to be a good year, and I'm going to try my damn hardest to make it the best it can be.

So I think it's best to mention some good things that have happened to me.

I did awesome during my first semester. The grades were posted over the holidays, and now that I have all of them, here they are:

Ficiton Writing I: A
CRW: Fiction Writers I: A
Tutoring, Fiction Writing: A
New Millenium Studies: A-
Writing and Rhetoric I, Enhanced: B+
Current GPA: 3.8

In a way I feel a little obnoxious posting my grades, like "oh hey check out how beast I am at school" but that's not at all what I'm trying to do here. But I am really proud of myself and am kinda happy to show it off to people, because this is the best I've ever done in my entire educational career. I did really shitty in high school and it led to a lot of fights arguments between me and my parents. Almost every day I'd have to come home to hear my mom wailing about how she talked to another mom from school and was forced to listen to her brag about how her kid's getting into an ivy league because she has absolutely perfect grades, and my mom could only smile and nod her head because she couldn't say anything about mine because they were so terrible. For the most part, my parents were not proud of me during high school, and besides the fact that I think it affected a lot of how I view myself, it also made me realize how unfair it was to them that I was doing this. They were plunking down a lot of money that they didn't have for me to have attend a really great school, and I did nothing but throw bad grades back in their faces. I promised myself after graduation that I wasn't gonna pull the same crap in college (once they were relieved I had actually been accepted to one), because now they're putting even more money and it would just be cruel if I didn't repay them in some way.

This was my way of paying them back for the constant stress, tears, angst, and anger they felt while I was in school. I think they understand and appreciate it.

Even though this isn't as big a deal as the grades were, but I am starting to post more of my writing. And not just to deviantart, but to other websites and places where I don't know anyone and am totally uncomfortable posting my work for everyone and anyone to see. I still have extreme issues with my writing in general, and even though I'm working on it, it hasn't improved to a point where I can finish up a piece, look at it on my own and say "this is pretty good, I should feel accomplished of what I did," without anybody else pushing me in that direction. Because I blatantly told my CRW teacher at the end of a class that I pretty much feel everything I write is terrible, and I don't see anything good about it until someone else points out something they enjoy. How can I be a writer if I think like that? I can't, so I need to fix it. And it's something that will be healthier for my mental state, I think. I can't continue going through life without any confidence whatsoever, and I feel like my writing is a good place to start to build it up. It's going to take some time, and you'll probably hear me whining and moaning about it and thinking it's a complete contradiction from what I'm saying now, but I'm determined to do something about it. I need to be a better person, and I can only achieve that by bettering myself through other facets. The writing seems like a good beginner option.

So I actually thought I had more to say, but I think that's it. LOL. I'm just sick of feeling moody and depressed and anxious 24/7. It's become worse recently because I let it affect how I view and act with relationships, and that really brought me down further. Like if someone doesn't talk to me it means they hate me or that I'm annoying and they don't want to have anything to do with me, despite previous activities and moments where they clearly DO like me and enjoy being around/talking to me. Yeah, it's dumb, and frankly really childish that I still let stuff like that get to me. Whether it's the anxiety or not, I know it's not something that I can't at least control. Sure I'll probably still make entries where I sound like a sad hump, and it's going to be hard work pulling me out of the funks. But I'm going to make an attempt to rid myself of the issues as best I can, because I don't want to feel this way or be this person anymore. It's time to purge out the bad and let in the good.

Alright, I think I'm ready to start 2010. My 2010. For real. Let's get it done, bitches.

The inevitable End of The Year memes. Here's the first:

Post the first sentence of the first entry of each month this year.

January: I forgot how soothing it is to shower in the dark with nothing but a couple candles lit and some Iron And Wine playing in the background. (Technically this is my second entry because the first was a prose piece I posted, which I didn't realize until I just checked.)

February: So we heard on our local news that one of the houses burned down in the center of Coatesville.

March: For the past couple weeks, I've been writing a play for my English class.

April: I'm sure I've mentioned it before on here, but for those who don't know, I work as a camp counselor in the summer at the YMCA that I do gymnastics at.

May: I don't plan on making this long and obnoxious, because my mom just bitched me out about five seconds ago on college shit, after I've been out all day for a gymnastics meet that I didn't even do that great at.

June: I just had my regular check up at the doctor's today.

July: I really hate how I always seem to get into great shows or bands way past their prime, and then I get all fangirly over it and nobody else is around to bask in it with me. (Lol, this hasn't changed. MST3K anyone?)

August: TO JAMES HETFIELD!!! :D (I was wishing a happy birthday to him, but that one sentence comes off a little vague in explaining that. :p)

September: You can learn a lot about someone by the music they listen to.

October: ...but I don't know what to do.
 
November: As I've said pretty much every time I post on here, things aren't going well.

December: I have my big scary class in about 15 minutes, and I'm just leaving now 'cause I spent the last 3 throwing up.

Coolio. And here's the survey:



1. What did you do in 2009 that you'd never done before?
Attended college, moved to a different state, got verbally/physically assaulted, smoked pot, ate a pot brownie, drank alcohol, met online friends in real life, and had a bad falling out.

2. Did you keep your New Year's resolutions for 2009? Will you make more for 2010?
Last year I wanted to get my anxiety under control, and I think I only half kept it. This is something incredibly difficult for me to fully control and I usually let it get to me more times than none, but I did manage to move to Chicago and attend school in an environment with people I never met before, so I think that counts for something. I'm just going to keep improving on it for the next year, continuing with little things - like not caring what people think about stuff I buy, or the amount I buy, or what food I'm ordering, or attending a concert by myself. Stuff like that. 

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
Not directly related to me, but my friend's mother died over the summer and it was really hard watching her deal with that.

5. What countries did you visit?
I didn't. :(



( yadda yadda yadda )

The stuff that happened on Monday sorta kept me from posting anything 'cause it really bummed me out this week, but I thought I'd at least give an update on what's happening.

So I'm leaving tomorrow for my flight back home, but my excitement at being in PA for a little more than month is being overrided by my panic and anxiety that's coming with the journey. Like the fact that there's supposed to be a horrible snow storm hitting the entire Mid-Atlantic area, starting in the early morning and lasting throughout the whole night. And I'm freaking because my flight's at 5:25 PM, so there'll be plenty of time for the snow to affect the Philly airport, and I'm dreading having to lug all my shit to Midway ('cause I'm checking some bags and that alone is making me nervous) to find that my flight is delayed/cancelled. I'd rather sit at the airport for hours waiting to get on another flight rather than coming all the way back to my dorm and waiting until tomorrow for me to get home. And my carry on bag looks fucking huge to me, so I'm worried that it's not gonna fit through the security conveyor belt thing and then I'll just be stuck and DSHJHKDGH. Such angst, it sucks. Oh, and my time of the month happened a few hours ago, and I hate traveling when I'm feeling like shit. So there's that.

Well, that was a really whiny and complaining kind of post, but at least you know that I'll be torturing myself pretty much all day tomorrow. I don't think I really have anything else (useful) to say, so I'll just end it here. Hope anyone else who's traveling makes it safe to their destination, and I'll be back online by next week or so. Love you all.

P.S. I pretty much feel/look exactly like Toki in my icon, minus the blood. It's intense over here, you guys.

I'm gonna do that concert survery thing because it looks fun, but my answers won't be as epic as those of some of the people on my flist. So there ya go.


1. How many shows have you been to?
I think about 15 so far. I definitely want to bump up that number.

2. Who do you go to the majority of your shows with?
It's never one specific person, and usually it's whoever's available at the time. I guess I'd say the closest to that would be my dad or my friend Jason.

( blaaaah not as epic )
Wow, I just realized I name dropped like five people. How obnoxious. :p

I can't come up with a good subject line, so whenever that happens I'll just start quoting stuff. Cool.

I want to talk about concerts for a bit, but first I'll mention my morning, because it was both awkward and hilarious. So my dorm is part of a Hostel, but it's also just a regular building in the city, which needs to be cleaned just like all the other regular buildings in the city. Which means that we get window washers, and my bed/desk area happen to be right in front of it. So I get up this morning, looking atrocious for obvious reasons, step out of bed and see...this dude scrubbing at my windows. And we both just kinda looked at each other because I don't think this kinda thing usually happens. I debated on getting up and pulling down the blinds, but then I thought that would've been so rude, so I just got up and walked my frumpled, disheveled self out of the room. It could've been worse - I could've been coming into my room from a shower, lol. But it was amusing and awkward and I had a good laugh to myself. :p

OH RIGHT there's another incident, lol. Alycia and I went to Jewel to pick up some groceries. For those of you who don't know, Jewel is like Pennsylvania's ACME, it's their big grocery shopping center. For us, that's ACME, but I don't know if it's something different for some of you guys. I know Alycia said they go to ShopRite and she's from Boston, and I know in North/South Carolina they have BI-LO's, but whatever it is for you, that's what Jewel is. Anyway, it's about six blocks away which I don't mind walking in, but since it's been getting so cold and we get free train rides we might as well use them, right? So we go to the Red Line and take it two stops to Roosevelt, which is where the Jewel is. And as we're getting off we get on the escalator behind this couple, and it's kinda awkward because obviously they're higher than us because they're on the next step, but I'm also really short so the guys ass is like right in my face, lol. So we're moving up and I see he has a stray hair on the end of his jacket, and this might annoy some people but UGH I can't stand when I see stray hairs, I have to like force myself to not remove them, they bug me so much. But it was sort of dangling so I was just gonna quick rip it off, and right when I moved my hand towards it, the guy's girlfriend basically put her hand on his ass and started, like, fuckign squeezing and essentially groping him. Right at my eye level. LOL Alycia and I were trying to hard not to make a scene, but it was just so ridiculous, like really? There's people behind you, you couldn't have waited ten seconds to get off the escalator before you copped a feel? But whatever, they made out as they got off and Alycia and I sporfled on our way to the Jewel.

Man, city people. Anyway.

So, I'm really wanting to go to some concerts, but there's only a few potential ones that I can actually afford - Alice In Chains, Arch Enemy, and Behemoth. Behemoth is most likely not gonna happen cause I don't know enough of their catalogue to really call myself a fan and I don't want to be a tool and just go just because I know they're black metal and all, lol. But if I suddenly whip through their stuff and fall in love with them in time for the show, then maybe I'll consider it. It's really the other two that I'm concerned about, because I love them both. Alice In Chains I've decided is happening, because they were here earlier and I didn't want to go 'cause I was still settling in and I had the Mastodon/Dethklok show coming up, but I still regret missing them and I definitely don't want to make that mistake again. And unless I suddenly meet a hardcore metal concert goer who won't mind going with me, I'll be attending this concert by myself too. Which blows. But I guess because it's AIC and they have the potential to just be, like, totally chill and easy going, that it won't be a big deal if I go by myself. Like, I can always just hang out at the back of the floor and sway and dance by myself, but that still might be kinda lame, and of course I wish I was with someone enjoying it with me. That's why I'm worried about Arch Enemy, because I really like them, enough that I would probably go if they came near me, and since they are, I want to take that opportunity. But that's not a show where I can just hang in the back, and I know if I'm there and feeling the vibe of everyone I'm going to want to go further onto the floor, and I'm too anxious/nervous/embarrassed to do that by myself. I probably wouldn't have gotten as far as I did with Mastodon/Dethklok if swirthwein and her friend Owen hadn't been with me, 'cause they did most of the pushing and I just followed behind. I'm not up to that point yet where I can just barrel my way through to the spot I want, and if anybody tries to stop me I can't handle that by myself. Or I'm just being a pussy, whatever. So hopefully, fucking HOPEFULLY I'll meet someone, 'cause man that's the one main thing that's still dragging me down about this place, and they'll want to come to a show with me and we'll have such a good time and UGHFGJFGH. It's something I don't have to totally worry about right now, but just thinking about in a potential way makes me nervous and I wish it would just work out.

So that's Chicago. Apparently, Lauren texted me saying she wants to go see Slayer/Megadeth/Testament in Camden sometime in April. So after my initial flail fest at being so proud of her for actually considering this show, we're trying to see if I can make it. Technically, I can, because it's on a Saturday, so I can just do what I did with Metallica and fly home for the weekend. But that would bring my parents into the mix and if they can't help me get another flight back home right after getting back to school (which they probably won't) then it won't happen. But it's killing me because this is gonna be like a historical concert, lol. I hate knowing that I'm just gonna watch them tour by me. But I think they are coming to Chicago, except it's the same worries as before, I don't want to go if I'm by myself, and it'll just be so lame if I'm rocking out in a corner by a pillar or something, lol. At least if I'm with Lauren I'm with someone I know so it'll be okay. But besides that, there's also another Opeth tour - a super duper special one where the only two US dates they're playing are California and NYC. Like, lol, COOOL. Obviously Cali won't happen, and so of course I want to go to NYC, if only to see them play Blackwater Park in its entirety. 'Cause damn, that would be the greatest. I saw them on a regular tour last year, in September I think, with Nachmystium and High On Fire, and I wasn't as big a fan of them as I am now, not that I didn't like them I just wasn't as familiar with their stuff, but I still had one of the best times at that show, and this would be even more special because of the situation and how intimate they're making it. But it's the same issues that are holding me back, and I think it's in April, so I don't know what my school life will be like at that point and I don't want to lock myself in to something that I might not be able to make. Plus, if the Camden show happens, I most likely won't go because that'll be two concerts coming in close (three if I count AIC, who are playing in Jan/Feb) together and I don't think I'll be able to financially handle that at that point.

So yeah, my musical dilemmas can suck limp dildos at this point, but I'm still totally open to suggestions of any kind. I mean, obviously. :p

I just spent the last few hours completely rearranging my icons, 'cause I have no life am tired and felt like showing some of my love for the stuff I'm into now aka Metalocalypse, Twin Peaks, and Mystery Science Theater 3000. I feel bad that I had to abandon some of my Metallica and Rush and Disney icons, it's almost like I'm betraying them in a way, like I don't love them as much anymore or something by not proudly brandishing it on every comment/entry I make.

....guys, I'm really tired. And I haven't posted in a week so the fact that it's all about my icon change? Yeah, don't mock.

I haven't made any big update because there honestly hasn't been much going on and I've been busy with schoolwork. The unhonest answer is that there's intense stuff going on and sometimes I'm too drained to bother with an entry about it, or I just feel like it's not fair to constantly be bringing you guys up on my emo, so I don't. I'll probably say something later though, cause I do like keeping you guys in the loop (LOL I'M IN CHICAGO'S SOUTH LOOP SO IT'S PUNNY GET IT OH GOD), I just get really lazy about wanting to make sure I get everything said that I wanted to, and then I get anxious over wondering whether you guys care or not. I'm working on not being like that, but that's how it's been for a while at least.

Yup. I really have nothing to say, this sucks. Sorry, guys.

I've got class tomorrow and I'm exhausted, so I'll probably/hopefully update with like...an update, lol. At some point in the future. In the mean time, I'm still giddy in love with Brendon Small, and I want everyone else to kind of experience the joyousness that is this man as well. So have another interview, and maybe you'll see where the love is stemming from. Or maybe you'll be like HOLY SHIT BSMALL CUTIE FACE and completely understand me. Or maybe it won't mean shit to you. Either way, he cheers me up, so I'm gonna post it. Hope everyone else is doing okay. <3

Making an entry with no pants on. Mhm. It's quite liberating. Or something.

So I'm flying back home tomorrow, but I feel it's a bit more legit since it's a holiday, and not, like, a band. lol. It's at 6:45 and I'm doing Southwest, but I'm flying into Washington 'cause it's cheaper, lol. Seriously, if my dad can save ten cents he will do anything to get it, he's so stingy. :p But yeah, I'm excited for it, because this time it'll be a lot more relaxed, less tension and anxiety on my part, and I'll be seeing family and (hopefully) friends that I haven't seen since I came here, which is about three months. So this will be nice, and I'm looking forward to it. And I just love Thanksgiving anyway, so I'm glad I can have real meals and utterly gorge myself for about four days. Bliss.

I know I didn't really say much about what I did on my birthday, but honestly, nothing much happened. Which is kinda sad, and still gets to me a bit, but I'm gonna try and make up for it when I go home. It was me and two of my friends who just walked all along Michigan Ave. where they have most of their big shops (further down the North end is where the Magnificent Mile is, so that's a huge touristy spot.) Then I got back home, Skyped my family, and let my mind get the best of me so I ended up really moody and depressed. And I guess it just hurts a bit more cause I looked back at my last birthday post, when I was 18, and I was just really giddy and happy. So I almost feel like I'm letting people down or something by not being smiley and happy on my 19th bday. But in defense of my emo, my friends had bought my MetClub membership last year, and this time I lost some people and am ten hours away from everything that's familiar. So yeah. But it turned out okay cause I had a really good talk with a good friend who pretty much helped me get into the right frame of mind. I'm not totally better, and I probably won't ever be, but with anxiety it's about learning how to deal with it rather than getting rid of it, and she put me in a good headspace for that so I'm really appreciative. <3

OH ALSO, they aired, like, the most grand and hilarious and HOLY SHIT WTF LOLZ episode of Metalocalypse yet, and I was just so giddy from it, and so happy that I had that on my bday to cheer me up. Since the Rob Zombie concert didn't end up happening. :( Oh well, hopefully he'll come around again when his NEW ALBUM COMES OUT! :D But anyway, it was around 10:00 PM when Alycia came home, and she ended up baking me a cake - that totally fell apart, lol. Like, it's ridiculously huge and has pink icing with my name scribbled all over it, but it just completely caved in and just looks dumb, lol. But then we decided that it just added to the brutality of the cake, so we dubbed it my own Birthday Dethday Totally Metal Cake (minus the mercury frosting, lol.) It was delicious, and there's still a lot left, so I might eat some now.

Yeah, that's about it. I'm torn between being productive and writing, or being lazy and watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 episodes. I'll probably do the latter, since this is me. :p Anyway, I'm not sure yet if I'm gonna bring my laptop with me, so if I don't do a quick good-bye post tomorrow, I'll be back on Sunday. So everyone have a great holiday! :)

P.S. ketene posted pictures from when I met her and nawezireck on November 14 to see Metallica, and it is killing me with joy. Seriously, I should never be sad again, because I can just look at that post and be instantly giddy. Ugh, I can't even, I will just fangirl and babble about. It's so cute, and I miss it, and I hope it happens again and SDFKLJDFSKJLS!!! <3

P.P.S. I forgot this, but happy birthday modernxxmyth !!! She's the day after me, and she turned 19 as well, and we met when we were 15 in the Lost fandom and we still keep in touch, which I'm really happy about. I hope you had an awesome day and that the rest of your college year is going well. Miss you. <3

So I'm 19. It's such an awkward number, and I still can't really believe I'm associated with it. And it's kinda sentimental, because a couple of you I met when you guys were that age. Awww.

That's all I really wanted to say, just to kinda see it out there, I guess. I didn't really do much today, so there's nothing to update about, and I've got homework waiting for me so I'm going to get started on that.

A lot of stuff has been on my mind lately, and I might say something about it later, or just save it for New Year's, because that's basically what it is - resolutions for myself and my life. But I guss I'm gonna gear them towards personal goals, like now that I'm a year older what I want to do to better myself as a person in every way I can. Instead of waiting for the universal new year, this can be my new year, all the things I want to say and do and fix before I turn 20. I think it's important for me to think about in those terms, and hopefully it'll help me out in some of the areas I've been struggling in for some time now.

....thank God there's new Metalocalypse tonight. LOL.

Thanks so much for all the well wishes everyone. I love and miss you all. <3

First off, my mom called me and told me to go on Facebook and look at Lauren's status 'cause she said I'd enjoy it. So this is what it says:

"because of you when i get in the car...i feel like i'm committing a sin when i change a radio station that has metallica playing on it...so i don't...love u big sis ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥"

HAHAHA I've taught her so much. What a cutieeeee, I want to see her again so bad. :(

So I woke up around 2 today and left about an hour later to find some new headphones. Attempt #1 happened last night, but because I'm a Scrooge and can't pay $30 for a legti pair, I had to wait until today to try and find some at Target or Best Buy. And I found a Sony pair at Target, for 8 bucks. It was wonderful. And they sorta fit in my ears, which is such a great bonus! The only thing that sucked is that when I came back to my dorm I tried to open them, and it took me ten minutes because it's packaged in that hard plastic stuff that nobody can ever open EVER so why do they do it in the first place? Ugh, it's so annoying. But I finally had to go whip out the scissors and ended up slicing my finger and giving myself a nasty papercut. And it's all bandaged but I'm still typing with it, so if there are any spelling errors, that's why.

Also, I bought two Rush CDs because they were cheap and I had enough cash and I love them. Also, because my other early birthday present came in the form of awful disgusting cramps, so I needed something to counter the suck.

Speaking of that, I still don't know what I'm gonna do tomorrow. Alycia's not coming back until late, like 10 or 11, and Katy (the other roommate who I don't like) still isn't here. So even though I kinda like having the apartment to myself, I'm sorta running out of stuff to do, and tomorrow is gonna blow if I'm just being lame and sitting in here. I'm still holding out hope for Rob Zombie, but it's a 0/100000000 chance of me not going, so I need to find something else. I think it's just more upsetting cause I wish I was celebrating my birthday back home with everyone there. Katy's birthday was in September but she lives here so it doesn't count, and Alycia's is over Christmas break so she'll be home. And pretty much my whole group of friends from high school are in PA so they can still see their families too. I know I sound really whiny over it, I guess I just didn't think being away for my birthday was going to be a big deal because I was gonna be in freakin' Chicago and know of all these places and have so many friends to go do stuff with. And that's totally not true. But I'll find something, even if it's me walking to the nearest bookstore and hanging around there doing homework or reading, or something. That sounds kinda pathetic, though. :/

Alright, enough of that. Gonna do some homework, maybe write, and just relax until dinner is ready. And by ready I mean whenever I decide to get off my lazy ass and put some mac n' cheese in the microwave. :p

As in a meaningless post before my video update (most likely) tomorrow about the weekend, which included Metallica and friends and family and MSG and NY and PA and driving and Auntie Anne's and thin pizza....and Metallica. :p Because I'm too lazy to do a whole write up about it, and if the Mastodon/Dethklok ended up being the monster of a post that it became, then this should probably just stick to a video. So there you go. :p

I flew in Sunday around four in the afternoon and I've been working and stressed out since. Tomorrow is an easy day for me cause I only have a two hour tutoring session, then after that I can just relax. And Monday was the day I could register for spring semester classes, and I feel a lot better with these choices than I did for my fall term. Here's what that looks like:

Fiction Writing II: Thursday, 8:30AM - 12:20PM
Writing and Rhetoric II: Monday/Wednesday, 9:00AM - 10:20AM
Abnormal Psychology: Monday/Wednesday, 10:30AM - 11:50
CRW: Short Story Writers: Tuesday, 8:30AM - 12:20PM
College Mathematics: Monday, 3:30PM - 6:20PM

Mondays are definitely going to be my tough days, but I wanted to still have Fridays off, so I'm glad I'm doing it this way. As far as my core classes go, I'm still missing a Science credit because I was going to take it in place of Abnormal Psychology, but the only Science class that looked vaguely interesting (and somewhat passable) was already filled up by the time I got to it, so I took this other class which still gives me a credit for taking a 2000 level course. Besides, it sounds so interesting, it's probably the class I'm most looking forward to, and since it deals with issues that I can relate to, I think I'm going to really enjoy it. As well as the CRW: Short Story Writers, because I had wanted to take that this semester but it also filled up before I could. Fiction Writing II is gonna be really fun but really intense, because that's when they stop BSing you and start to get really into the writing. Which I'm a little nervous for, but it's something I think I need. Like Fiction Writing I is a requirement for Fiction Writing majors, but it's also a writing class that doesn't need any prerequisites so basically anybody who's interested in writing can take it. This means the teachers are still intent on writing, but they're not as intense and in your face about it. Usually by the end of that class the people who aren't Fiction Writing majors have had their fill and don't go for Fiction Writing II, which is why that deals with the actual majors and is so much more strict with the craft. But whatever, I think I'll be okay. And I've got four weeks plus a month to worry about it, so no point in doing it now.

Speaking of tomorrow, my roommate Alycia and our friend Jordan are taking me out to dinner for my birthday. :) My actual birthday is on Sunday, but Alycia's leaving this Thursday to go home, and my family is still ten hours away and won't see me until Thanksgiving break, so for my birthday I'll be all alone. Sadface. :( So they're taking me out tomorrow night because neither of us has a tough schedule, and since she leaves the day after, it's good for both of us. But I'm so excited about where we're going, because it's so metal. Like, really. It's some little burger place on Belmont, which is about a 15 minute train ride on the El, and all their meals are named after heavy metal bands, so it's really hilarious. Like, I'm debating on whether or not I should actually ask for the Goblin Cock. LOL! We're going out late because Alycia wants to watch So You Think You Can Dance (dance major) and Glee (which I kinda like :p) so it'll be a nice night out with a small group of us at a really fucking hardcore place. Seriously, check it out, it's awesome. I'm so psyched, I actually want to dress up and look nice for it. In a totally brutal fashion, of course. :p

Click!

And now, have this meme, because I'm bored and need something to make this post somewhat mundane. Expect updates for the next couple of days.

( Stolen from Kady ).

Except it's more like a Southwest airplane. But still, I'm leaving in about a half hour to take the train to the airport and board for an 8:30 PM flight back to Pennsylvania. I just want to fast forward so badly past all the security and flight stuff that makes me so anxious and nervous, but I gotta get through the worst to get to the good. This is my first time flying by myself so I hope I can handle it. :p

If I bother some of you later on, it's only because I have hours to kill at my gate and I'm most likely dying from nerves. Try not to take it personally.

Oh yeah, Metallica too. Still freaking me out, but once I'm there I'll probably be super excited. Pfft, probably. I will be, goddammit.

Alright, heading out. Love and miss you all so much, I'll update when I return on Sunday. *smoochies*

As I've said pretty much every time I post on here, things aren't going well. In fact, the only thing that is actually working out for me is my schoolwork, and my classes. Everything apart from my education blows hard, and since when has that ever happened? So these are just some of the things that have been keeping me happy, and will tide me over until I go home next Thursday to see Metallica and maybe/possibly/hopefully cobrasnaps(but that's up to her.)

Most of it....okay, all of it, is Dethklok related. Because the premiere is this Sunday (:D:D:D) and so I've been getting ready for it in a manner of supreme glee. So if that bugs you, then you don't have to read (well, more like watch) any of the stuff, and it might seem like a pointless post, but HEY. I wanna share these with the world so everyone can take part in pissing their pants with me over the hilarity that is fucking Dethklok. I'll most likely make another post about some substantial stuff that's going on (most of it relating to my classes, since that's where my ability to cope is stemming from) but for now, have these delicious goodies. :)

ITEM #1: DK S3 SNEAK PEEK
I understand if you don't want to be spoiled, and it's not really spoilery, per say, but it's a nice little bit to tide us over until Sunday, so you can watch it or wait, it's up to you.



( Spamalot )